Thursday, August 1, 2019

Healing The Hurt

Emotional hurt is very personal. One cannot see the pain and agony as the hurt is not visible to anyone. Many of us fight some form of emotional hurt in our lives. Someone hurting you emotionally, leaves a big hole in the heart, it has a lingering effect on our mind. Everyone reacts to hurt differently. Though some people are quick to move on with their lives. Some take long time to let go. Some of us get stuck in the process of fighting that infectious hurt and take a lot of time in the healing process. At times we even blame ourselves. 

From my personal experience, it took me a lot of time to forgive people who hurt me in my life. Now they do not have any space in my heart. By remembering the hurt and pain and those involved, you are giving them time and space in your life. You are giving them those precious time of your life and making those events or people important.  I chose to forgive them, not because they are good or they have changed, but because I want to change for my own good and for my own family. By forgiving them you are releasing your pain. It narrows the path towards self-healing and self-awareness. It is not an easy process; it takes a lot of time and energy. It requires you to transform your ego, your-self. Along the process of healing do not forget the hurt, let the hurt be your teacher. So you do not let anyone hurt you in the future again, be prudent. Do not look at it as a hurt, but look at it as a great lesson learned in life and move on. 

How To Heal The Emotional Hurt:

Your Emotional state:

When in hurt, our emotions throw us into a victim zone. Though we do not intend to do so, none of us want to be a victim. However, we tend to brood on our hurt time and again and thus this makes us victim. We keep talking about the hurt, about our past again and again, its like reopening the hurt and look at its deep inside, though you do not know how to heal the decay. Whenever you talk about it you get angry. You cannot ignore talking about it nor can you pay attention for a long time, because it might hurt you again, in doing so it might infect your present state of mind.
You have to keep healing the pain until you realize that the hurt is no more ruining your life. The hurt is there but it does not hurt you anymore that badly. When that happens, you achieve enlightenment. It narrows down your path towards healing. 

Everyone else but me:
Believing that, everything would be better, if the world or other people would change. We also become victims to the outside forces (our stars)/our destiny. We even start blaming God. Know that we all get hurt at some point of time in our lives, some get healed faster. Whereas some take lot of time to understand their own emotions.  This is the time to look inside you. This is a great time to transform yourself into a far better person that you are. You fall, you learn and you move on.  

Don’t let your hurt dominate your mind:
Know that your hurt dominates your emotions. It will lead your emotions and take you to any direction it wants. It might take you to “I am a victim"direction, or it might take you to “be vengeful” direction. Most of the time, we are comfortable in these two zones, victim or revenge zone. Remember, no one cares if you are a victim, people will show you sympathy, or empathy for few days and then you are on your own. You have to take charge of your life, of your-self. Give your hurt a clean spiritual direction. It needs you to cleanse and reform your heart. Learn and move on. Heal your hurt with your own positive emotions. Transform that hurtful heart to a stronger wiser heart. 

Do not forgive instantly:
 Most people will advice you to forgive and forget. Well, its easier said than done. It is not that easy to forget and forgive. Take your time. You will have past memories like as if they are fresh memories in your brain and you will swing with those memories which will make you vulnerable. You do not want to forgive at that point of time. You will only end up saying, “I will never forget what this person has done to me”, or I will never forgive this person”. However, as you sail through this difficult phase, you will eventually learn to focus on good things in your life and forgive the person who hurt you. Time is a great healer, it brings awareness and realization. By forgiving someone who hurt you, you are healing your heart. 

Let go of people who continue to hurt you:
Sometimes your own people hurt you, someone who was close to you, someone in your family who is related to you. This person will still continuously try to hurt you or taunt you through social media or whenever you happen to meet them. Well, you forgive them anyways. Remember, they are not going to change, do not try to change them. It is not about you, its about them, they would continue with that negative emotion, they chose to be like that. Just ignore them and move on. When they realize that their behavior/attitude no more affects you, they would stop. Do not forget what they have done, it’s a lesson learned. However, forgive them for what they have done, this will release you from the pain. Let it go!

Show Compassion: 
Self-compassion makes you realize your self-worth. When in hurt, you start hating yourself, you lose confidence in being in a relationship. Give yourself a chance. You can practice self-compassion by being forgiving, being mindful, showing gratitude towards others, and above all being aware of your-self.
Show compassion for others. Try to do some social work, channelize your good heart (wounded heart) towards social causes. This will make you realize there are so many underprivileged people who are in more unfortunate position than you are. This is like a therapy; you feel good when you help someone in need. Believe in good Karma. It will always pay you back.  

Our life is like driving experience, while we are driving our car, we know how to and when to use accelerator and brake and since we know these two functions so well, we are able to enjoy driving our car and know how to reach our destination. Similarly, assume your life as a car and if you know your ‘self’ very well, and know when to use your accelerator (your Present) and brake (brake to your past disturbing events-your hurt), you will be able to enjoy your life’s journey. If you do not put a stop/brake to your past disturbing events, there are chances of accidents and not only that you are going to risk your life and the life of people who are inside your car, but also people who are outside. So, let’s make wiser choices and use brakes. Heal your heart. Reform your core. Revive your life.

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